So, you wanna become a hot girl? I found some proof that I’ve had the skillz in this department from way back when. I would guess this first piece of evidence I am about to show you is from 1984, when I was around seven. I’ve added labels to the parts of the photo you will want to pay special attention to. I’m in the bottom row, center.
I still can’t find a hairstylist who can quite match the mullet/pompadour/ducktail look like the stylists of my childhood. Ah, Supercuts.
Ready for lesson #2? This one comes from my rehearsal dinner in 2005. Please take note on how to suck your face so far into itself that you create not just one, but several chins.
If you plan to have photos of your hotness created, be sure to get a photographer with stellar Photoshop skills. Look how lovely you can become when have of your face is shaved off. Nose job in a flash!
In case you aren’t getting the best idea of how beautiful I can be, I’d love to just take a quick photo right now and post it. Warning, I’m not gonna get all gussied up, ok? Just me, au natural.
And if you are ever questioning how big your hair should be. Remember, go big or go hang out with David Hasselhoff.
If you are worried about looking thin, then you probably don’t want to take a photo on your way to the hospital to deliver an 8 lb. 12 oz. baby.
If you aren’t feeling beautiful, just add an accessory. Extra cute is better.
When you aren’t feeling super classy, give your hair that special bottle of color which yells, “I work in a trashy diner.”
And now you know all there is to know about becoming a hot girl. Wait, you were looking for a recipe?