Costco Wants Me Homeless

That’s really the only explanation I can come up with after my Costco bill last night. I went to Costco to load up on fresh produce, dairy and maybe a dry staple or two. Would you like to know my bill? You know I’m not shy about sharing my ridonkulous receipts, so here it goes.

$230. Not including  Dallas’ Carne Asade Bake and Fro-Yo.

I had to bribe Dallas with cafe food just to get him to come with me to the store. There was no way I was taking two kids on a rainy afternoon to Costco, so I had waited to make my trip until after dinner. By 5:30, the boys were sending Jy and I both to Defcom Level 99 Red Alert parent craziness, so taking one of the kids shopping would ensure my husband’s semi-sanity. It had to be Dallas, because if you ever have the choice between a functioning preschooler and a irrational toddler, always choose the former.

Let’s stop here and talk a little more about crazy toddlers. Would you like to see what Max did to my chair yesterday? He made it topless.

Max’s booster seat lines his knees directly up with the edge of the table. One of his favorite games is to use those chunky little knees to rock his chair back on the hind legs.

Toddlers do not hear, understand or remember the words, “Don’t do that! You are going to fall back and hurt yourself!” I know this, because I can repeat it on a second-ly basis and nothing will change. Until yesterday.

In the amount of time it took me to look down at my Kindle and think,”I’m going to relax and sit next to my little guy while he eats his lunch. Let’s open up to page…” Thunk.

The chair, the booster and Max all rocked back, hit the wall and landed flat on the floor, dismembering one of the chairs from my parent’s totally expensive table set. One of these chairs costs more than I am willing to pay for a whole set. So, there will be lots and lots of Gorilla Wood Glue. Luckily, the chair broke at a seam (I know that’s not a wood term, but you know.)

Max told us many times yesterday about the broke chair. Maybe now he’ll remember. Probably not.

Come on Rambling Rose, get back to it.

 

Ok, Costco. I bought a ton of produce. The dairy prices were fantastic. $1.97 for a monsterous vat of name brand cottage cheese! $6 for an even bigger vat of yogurt. $3.29 per dozen of organic eggs. I thought I was working the Costco system like a __________ works a _____________. I have a head cold and my analogy (sorry, similie) synapsis’ aren’t firing. You get the picture.

I grabbed two kinds of meats, ground turkey breast (half the price of Safeway’s) and organic chicken thighs (again, cheapies). Then, we grabbed a few extras.

This isn’t going to be pretty.

.

Got some whole wheat tortillas, dried fruit “leather” snacks, Z-bars, all natural peanut butter. Ok, I think we are still doing alright. WAIT! I need toilet paper, flaxseed, “Mommy, let’s get those things like big raisins and dates.” Prunes? Sure, let’s get prunes I thought, our bill won’t be too bad! Ooh, you know what we could really use? Some more Snapware! (Costco’s Snapware box of 42 for $24 totally DOES rock).

Anything else? Nope, let’s keep this bill low. Ha! The joke is on me!

Let me tell you a quick story. My parents went in to Costco sometime around Christmas and renewed their membership. I have always been on their membership and until they decide to take me off, I ain’t arguing. The Costco employee mentioned that it didn’t really seem like my parents used their cards very much. She did not forget to tell them, “It looks like Kimberly does quite well here.” See? It’s not all in my head. Costco wants my money and they want all of it.

Hopefully these groceries take us through 10-12 days. Otherwise, I’m going to have to start having bake sales outside my front door and I don’t see that bringing in more than fifty cents a day.

 

Happy Friday everyone!

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